December 2010
1 post
well, it's been a LONNGG time
bu here I am.
update: I’ve been the same weight as I was when I active on this blog, barely eating and was a health freak. I mean I’ve been in the 130s the whole time.
I eat whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want, without any exercise. I don’t know how this happened.. that I haven’t gained an enormous amount of weight but I haven’t.
I’m coming...
September 2010
2 posts
I have the chills right now.
just from being back on here. it’s like last winter was a bad dream and now it’s crashing down on me how real it really was.
4 tags
"why am I going back to this" D;
I’m bawling right now. I never thought I’d be signed on to here again. my summer was flawless, I met the love of my life and he made me the happiest girl alive. I was so at peace with myself up until lately. I got diagnosed with depression just a month ago and got back from my follow up an hour ago.
I told myself I’m not going to eat.
I’ve been having an excellent time,...
July 2010
2 posts
3 tags
hello my lovlies,
since I’m to a point right now where I’m not totally obsessing over food/calories/excersize I feel like I could be a person there of guidance for you all.
I still think about things, I’ve only tried to make myself throwup once since I’ve started feeling.. better about things. I know I’ll probably come struggling down this road again sometime, but as for now I’m...
4 tags
thank you everyone, I love you all & I think this...
I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been before. I found the absolute most perfect boy & we are totally in love. for me, its my first time ever feeling like this. he makes me feel so good about myself, so wanted, so important.
this summer has been phenomenal.
I’ve been eating whatever I feel like & been working out whenever I want, so I actually can enjoy it & not...
June 2010
12 posts
heads spinning.. with good thoughts for once
I always feel like I have post my current thoughts cause it helps me sort them, cause they get really obsessive, but the followers on my personal are prolly getting sick of my cause I have so much good going on right now.
for the first time a guy likes me & I like him back. it’s mutual. for once:D
sneaking out & spending the night at his house, just as friends though
life is soo...
currently:
I am doing great! I’ve been eating really good and have been excersizing. I feel a lot better. I’ve got a super sweet guy that I’m hanging out with tonight and it’s the first actual day of summer.
I’ve ate today: 1 slice 45cal bread w/light pb & honey- 70cal baby carrots dipped in salsa - 30cals brown rice w/mixed veggies - 150ish? no idea. total= 250cal I am...
thin (blah)g: via thinlayer →
Age: 16 Height: 5’6” Weight: 140ish Dress Size: ? Highest Weight: 160 Lowest Weight (at height): 130 Goal Weight: 112 Favorite Diet Food: chai tea smoothie, baby carrots w/salsa, sugar free jello Favorite Binge Food: cereal Favorite Exercise: rollerblading or dancing Favorite Thinspo: triangle between legs, hip bones, collar bones Where Do You Slip Up: at home. When Did It Start? it...
6 tags
I need food ideas
I was looking for something to eat for 20 minutes. my dad said "you realize you've been looking for something to eat, back & forth between the fridge & the pantry for the past 20 minutes?"
I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING HEALTHY.
-I mean I obvsly know, fruit veggies & fat free yogurt. I need more for my grocery list though.
^those things plain get sickening, so also if you guys have ideas how to mix them up that'd be highly appreciated too!
help a sistaaa out?[;
country club pool
full of skinny tan rich girls & their delicious boyfriends.
remind me why I go there again?
how do I get an ask thing on my tumblr page?
so that way I dont have to use formspring, I can just use my own tumblr page.
losertown just gave me so much inspiration
no control
I have none. zero. zip.
I binged so bad last night with all my friends at our sleepover. we baked a 2 layer cake & pigged out on other baked goods & chips, popcorn, ect.
I get home & my mom bought the best chips ever: tostitos with a hint of lime. I was eating away, after I was content I looked at the nutrition facts
for ever 6 chips = 150 calories.
fuck. sooo I think I’m...
impossiblebones.: faking an ED →
thinblahg:
yeah, so since everyone thought I had one, I got a lot of attention for it -which I hated. so my attention hungry friend sees “ohh she’s getting a lot of attention for that”
last night at our sleepover she’s all like saying “yeah I have an eating disorder. I’ve done everything. I chew & spit all…
that is so so so aggravating. I know someone very similar. She doesn’t advertise...
faking an ED
yeah, so since everyone thought I had one, I got a lot of attention for it -which I hated. so my attention hungry friend sees “ohh she’s getting a lot of attention for that”
last night at our sleepover she’s all like saying “yeah I have an eating disorder. I’ve done everything. I chew & spit all my food.” bull fucking crap. then she’d ask me...
seriously?!
I just love eating/drinking something that’s “fat free” & then finding out that it’s NOT fat free.
I knew that chocolate milk tasted better than usual. SHIT.
i did so good today
until the grad party. I was shopping with my friend beforehand & I had to much caffeine so I was super shakey, I also was tired & hungry. not a combo when you’re going to a grad party swarming with people eating delicious food thats being offered to you left & right.
ughh I gave in. not only that but the healthy food was all not vegetarian-friendly. so I was stuck eating things...
May 2010
50 posts
1 tag
so addicted to vanilla chai tea
REBLOG THIS POST WITH ONE THING YOU LOVE ABOUT...
awkwardanax:
-skinny-love-:
hiimynameis-fat:
deviileetatar:
My complexion.
my hair :)
My complexion
my nails :)
my long blonde curly hair
emotional
fuck this. fuck everyone. fuck hating my body.
once I hit 120 I’m going to get a pair of those sexy yoga pants from victoria’s secret that all the skinny girls wear.
then once I reach 115, I’m gonna get my belly button peirced
maybe once I get lower I’ll think more seriously about modeling, because everyone says how I look like supermodel, am photogenic and blahblahblah. but I’m too big for fashion. nobody wants...
all I’ve had today is chai tea smoothies & carrots dipped in salsa.
I did although have some starbursts because my mouth was burning from the salsa, they were left over from yesterday’s beach party, but whatever. I’m letting it get me down.
I've got a lot to say about today
-summer started. after a couple hours at school for finals we all went out to the lake & grilled out. everyone in their swimsuit. of course the one who everyone thinks is anorexic is one of the fattest ones there.
-I was so hungry & exhausted from staying up late studying & taking finals so I gave in to junk food): everyone was looking at me up & down and up & down. it was...
bad eating
half day today for finals. all my friends & I went to eat - i got a side of steamed veggies & a small sida salad with free italian dressing & water.
but thats not where i went wrong, when i got home i binged on Smorz cereal. ughh that stuff is so addicting to me.
tmrw= half day then SUMMER BREAK. I planned out this big shpeal out at the beach with all my friends to grill out, lay out...
best thing ever
chai tea smoothie
chilled vanilla chai tea [i used 1/4 cup water, so it was more flavorful & less watery
fat free powdered milk
fat free vanilla yogurt
ginger
a little honey
splenda
it was soo delicious! low cal, filling & caffeinated to boost energy/metabolism. plus it satisfies my sweet tooth[:
I have finals tmrw. instead of studying, I’ve been eating.
what the fuck kelly?
wasted- marya hornbacher
gave an oral book report/speech to my class about this book for my lit. class.
one of those bitches that always talks shit about my habits behind my back is in that class, I hope it opened her eyes. as to either : “wow she doesn’t throw up blood, weigh 52 pounds or hasnt been hospitalized maybe she doesn’t have this eating disorder I keep talking about” OR “wow...
so I’ve posted about the drama at my school because of my lack of eating & the girls in my class get all heated about it. ever since one of my friends blew up on the girls saying “WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF!” it’s been a reallly touchy subject..
today, one of the boys at my lunch table was doing homework instead of eating the god awful pork patties. she kept freaking out...
minnesota is a sauna today
pretty sure it got to 100 today, with humidity of ..a lot. do I dare workout in this misery?
the answer is yes. ha hopefully I don’t die of heatstroke. wish me lucck[;
helllo new folllowers
ask me anything darlings →
1 tag
OMG i have dreams about food (whether i'm stuffing...
ahhh I know, I kinda like them though. waking up & feeling all relieved & empowered because you didn’t actually just eat a whole chocolate cake by yourself mindlessly, it was nothing but a dream:P
Ask me anything
all I've done today is lay in bed & cry
I think I’m getting my period tmrw, because I always get suppeerr emotional the day before. seriously though, I dont know where all the time went. I’ve laid in bed, crying, with a terrible headache from all my terrible thoughts I’ve been having.
basically I need to lose 20 pounds by the time summer starts in order to shake this feeling. well I know it won’t happen, because...
thank you my dear new followers[:
I feel bad for my parents
I’ve been talking to my mom for however long basically about how much I hate my body. I was trying soooo hard to hold back my tears.
she basically had the perfect body growing up. whenever were out in public & she’s sees someone who’s tall, skinny & tan she says “ohhh I remember when I used to look like that” so I always ask her “if you were so skinny...
I hate crying in front of the mirror
I started to break down yesterday while getting ready for church. but I had to pull myself together quickly after my mom yelled “were leaving in five” and I was still undressed, bent over on the floor. I tried holding my tears during church.
I cant stand this. I’m ALWAYS the same weight. no matter what I do. I’ve tried soo hard & I don’t see ANY change. all I see...
binge):
10 miniture dark chocolate hersheys bars throughout the night last night sun chips + tostitos a few swedish fish & sour patch kids a tiny sliver of ice cream cake I had the funnest night last night despite that. it was craazzyyy. I know thats why I went crazy, but my body won’t know “ohh it’s okay, she was having a blast and was so comfortable with herself, we won’t...
?
breakfast: bananas in milk - 45 (95)
lunch: mixed veggies - 0 (50)
snacks/dinner: mixed veggies - 0 (100) carrots & all natural salsa - 0 (45) dry cereal - 150 bananas & strawberries in milk - 0 (100)
SG total: 195 actual total: 540
I want to know how good I’m actually doing. is this too much? or for you guys would it be too much? what would you omit? I’m not good at this...
my source of insecurities
I’ve grown up my whole life in tight, tiny [this is the least revealing costume I’ve ever worn] costumes. I’ve danced since I was 3. I matured before all the other girls, so they were all still cute & tiny, while I was awkward and already had boobs. the girl criticized my body & I felt so inadequate. because of how much taller I was than all the other girls, I always...
breakfast - strawberries & bananas in milk - 45 (115) lunch - raw baby carrots - 0 (35) snack/dinner - steamed mixed veggies - 0 (65) strawberries & banana in milk - 45 (115) 2 gummy bears & 1 sour worm - 25 5 bites chocolate chip pancake batter - 50 jello with bananas - 10 (60)...
post about the 9/11 tattoo?
the guy’s tattoo says like “there’s a reason where I am right now” or something along those lines, because he heard the story of the man who got a blister on the way to work (at the world trade center) and ended up not making it to work on time and lived.
I reallly wanted to post that on my personal, because it’s so inspiring, but I can’t find it now. so if it...
3 tags
breakfast: 3/4 apple - 0 (60) lunch: steamed veggies - 0 (60) snacks: sugar-free jello - 20 mixed veggies - 0 (50) carrot sticks w/all natural salsa - 0 (35) dinner: mixed veggies - 0 (50) strawberries dipped in fat/sugar free pudding - 70 (120)
SG cal= 90 actual cal= 375
yess! for skinny girl diet I’m sposed to have 400cal. I didn’t go over,...
1 tag
I just dont have motivation anymore.
I’m still doing [really] low-cal & working out, but because I never really see results, I feel like it’s wasted work, but I can’t give up because then I feel worse.
It’s like a hole that keeps getting deeper & darker, which makes it harder & harder to get out.
I just need to lose 25 pounds & weigh 115 & I will be a...
1 tag
if only people knew how uncomfortable I am with my...
they’d stop criticizing me.
I feel like nothing works
I need to lose the weight & keep it off. fuck fat, cellulite & calories.
I hate swimsuits
they’re like torcher chambers in the form of clothing. I wore mine for the first time this summer. I felt like people might have confused me for a sumo wrestler.