my source of insecurities

I’ve grown up my whole life in tight, tiny [this is the least revealing costume I’ve ever worn] costumes. I’ve danced since I was 3. I matured before all the other girls, so they were all still cute & tiny, while I was awkward and already had boobs. the girl criticized my body & I felt so inadequate. because of how much taller I was than all the other girls, I always had to be in the back row, even though I was the best dancer on the team. I’ve always dreaded getting measured for costumes, trying them on, putting them on & most of all dancing in them. in big cities, in front of judges and an arena full of people. other girls from other studios putting you down, giving you dirty looks. having to condition before competitions [which I was to tone up, so we look good in our skin tight, belly showing costumes] even when I was 8 years old. all the other girls were just naturally skinny, I had to get used to being the biggest on the team & biggest among my friends ..my whole life.

I’ve really been trying to figure out why I am the way I am. I think this might be a part of it.